Say it with Dishes

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Once the kids were in bed this evening I turned my tired gaze towards my equally exhausted husband and announced that I had done absolutely nothing for him.  No card. Nothing.

He kind of stared at me for a moment, and I honestly wasn't sure whether he had heard me or not, because after swimming in a few seconds of silence, he went on as if I hadn't said anything.  

I can't tell you what his silence meant (11 years of marriage only allows for so much clairvoyance)...but I can tell you historically how we roll.  Most birthdays and holidays are met with little fanfare between the two of us.  We wake up, wish each other happy things and then go about the day.  No gifts, and usually no cards. That's it.

Now, before you start to judge...  We give our kids gifts.  They aren't all lying around the tree on Christmas morning sobbing for lack of celebration, and their birthdays are loads of fun.  I feel very blessed to be able to love on my kids with a gift or two.

But us grown-ups?  Not so much.

Earlier in our marriage, we tried a lot harder to give just the right gifts.  Our first Christmas together was delightful. My husband was still in college, and I was working a job with Americorps (i.e. volunteering with a W2).  That year I made a total of 9,000 dollars.  I look back at the ledger I kept that year, and every single month we went further into debt.  The misguided gift giving at Christmas didn't help our cause.  I received a pair of hiking boots, and he got two strange containers in which to organize his fly tying materials.  One gift, a hope of activities done together, and the other a not-so-subtle hint that his hobby was taking over the guest room and must be.contained. (There, I said it. I totally didn't realize at the time that I was being so subversive.  Oh well...live and learn.)  We both received our gifts gracefully, but I think that both of us wondered if we would get better at it.

Once children came along, the finance of gift giving certainly didn't get any easier...and it was met with the reality of very little spare time in which to shop.  So really, since 2004... 

We are odd birds.  I know.  We watch couples around us who are extravagant gift givers, and can't wrap our heads around it, because it's just so foreign to us.  Would we give each other more if we had the funds or the time?  

I don't really know.

But this is where we are now, and we've come to a realization together:  

Every single day we give each other gifts.

-I wake up earlier with a baby one morning and make sure his cup of coffee is waiting when he comes down. 

-He makes himself breakfast before work the next day, but adds an extra 2 eggs to the pan so that he can make me some as well...then gives me the best ones because he knows that I'll appreciate it.

-He does the dishes, and pulls in every single mobile child to help with the job, while I sit on the couch and just breathe.  Literally, just breathe. *heaven*

-He asks to go out with the guys, and I say yes.  All the time, as often as I possibly can, I say yes.

-After a long day with the kids, he'll push me out the door with a few bucks and make sure I go to a coffee shop and take a few moments to just breathe. And drink coffee. *heaven bathed in coffee*

I could keep going, but I think you get the picture.  

Every morning when we wake up, we have the opportunity to put someone else's needs and desires before our own.   To hold our tongue when we're frustrated. To give someone the benefit of the doubt. To clean up someone else's mess without complaining. To actually listen to their desires and musings that hold no interest for us, whatsoever. To use our words to encourage and build them up over, and over, and over... To come alongside them in every way possible, sharing their burdens and joys alike.

Tomorrow when I wake up, there will be no great hurrah over the "day of love."  I will share my day with a wonderful man, who will give to me all that he can of himself, just like he did today.  That is a wonderful gift.