Transparency

I was walking around our house the other day, muttering to myself under my breath, cursing each and every object I tripped over.  Nothing was where it was supposed to be.  I had cleaned one spot of the house over five times that morning, and it had been stealthily re-mucked...again.  AGAIN!  Seriously, if I could make money off my children's ability to make messes, I would be blogging from a lounge chair somewhere in the Caribbean.

After about an hour of brooding over the mess, slamming cabinet doors, and snapping at my children, I took a deep breath and asked myself a question:

Why am I doing this?  Nothing is ruined because my house is messy, so why the intense stress to maintain a certain standard?

So I sat down for a few minutes and read a Parents magazine while the world continued to fall apart in my living room... and as I went through that magazine it hit me. The last page was this beautiful advertisement for a mattress set from a big Swedish store that rhymes with Eyepeeya.

Do you see it?  It's just a mattress.  But the bed is made, even though she's still sleeping in it, and the window is clean, and it's sunny outside.  And her closet is organized, and her husband is holding presents. She's got kids blowing confetti at her, for goodness sake...and why?  Because she has a new mattress from Eyepeeya!  Yaaaay!

Now, I know (consciously) that this is an advertisement.  This is a set, not a real home.  It took hours, and many people to make it happen. That is fake sunlight shining on fake trees.  In fact, that might just be a fake dog. I bet they make those. Those presents are empty, and after this photo shoot, every single one of those models went back to their own homes that are most likely not nearly as well kept as this picture.  I KNOW this.  In my brain.

But advertising is really good at doing what it does.  Something inside me is absolutely convinced that because I saw it in a magazine, it is NORMAL.  I believe, subconsciously, that I am the only one with a messy house and imperfect furniture. Everyone else has it together, except me. 

Bam.

We are constantly bombarded with things like this.  Things that tell us how we should dress, what car we should drive, how much we should weigh, what our house should look like, what kind of toothpaste we should use, and what kind of toilet paper will help us feel the least human when we poop (a pretty quilting pattern makes it SO much less so).

Why the puppy? Where does puppy softness come into play around one's butt? Eww.

Then there's the other end of the spectrum.  We have given up the hope that we can win this war against advertisement, so in order to feel like we've got it together, what do we do? 

REALITY T.V.   (Double Bam.)

How does a show like Hoarders become popular?  What about Extreme Cheapskates?  We want to see people mess up more, be uglier, get dirtier, make more mistakes, and live in worse poverty and more scandal than we do.  

It's a beautiful tirade.  I know.  And I think that most people are already aware of this vicious cycle that we've created, and all take part in.  But it's a terrible cycle, and it completely lacks one thing:

TRANSPARENCY

Transparent:  adjective \tran(t)s-ˈper-ənt\

: able to be seen through

: easy to notice or understand

: honest and open : not secretive

Here's the meat of it, folks.  I think that what you need (and I what I need as well), is a lot of that ^.

So I'm going to start.  The other day, after reading that stupid magazine, and coming to these conclusions, I walked around our house with a camera.  

I didn't move anything.  I didn't add any filters.  I just documented.

the living room. this is actually pretty clean. our couch is really old, and the stuffing is coming out of the arms and all three cushions need to be covered with sheets in order to stay together. and yes, those are legos on the floor with my baby.  judge away.

this is my kitchen counter even before breakfast dishes.  you should see it at the end of the day.

this is the other half of the kitchen. nothing really gets put away...but my kids don't care.

um. yeah. this room is my favorite. those are axes on our mantel.  we don't do candles, we do lumberjack. a suitcase from a trip two weeks ago, clothes half folded, coats thrown everywhere. squishy pumpkins from last fall. need I go on?...

 the basement playroom/boys room from one angle.  there are shelves to put things on, but the kids seem to like it better when it's all dumped on the floor.  I have washed my hands of it, and close the door when I leave so I don't have to see it.

...And from another angle.  How did wood get there, you ask?  yeah, dunno. 

a pink room that I've tried to teach her to clean, but she likes it this way

One of the bathrooms: notice the lack of quilted paper.  

What you don't see here is our bedroom, (which is full of piles of clean laundry that will most likely never make it to a drawer)...and the master bathroom.  There are some things that one just should NOT share in photo form...but I will tell you that even when our toilet is flushed it looks like still it needs to be, and that the shower walls and floor are often orange. (shame)

Your home may be cleaner than mine...or it might be messier.  You may have a bit more time to put towards the maintenance of your space, or it might be higher on your priority list...or it might be lower.  But it doesn't really matter, does it? 

I'm not advocating the mis-use of the things we are blessed with.  We should absolutely take care of things as best as we are able.  But that's just it...as best WE can. Not our neighbors, not the guy on TV, not our grandmother or best friend.  

Me, and You...in our own situations, within the ability, time and grace that we've been given.

But there's more.

If we do this so often with our physical lives; judging the state of our homes and our possessions against all those around us, how much more often do we do it with that which is infinitely more important?

Those pictures are of my home, in it's most normal state.  It's kind-of bold, I know, because most people don't show that on a public forum. But would you be ready for more than that? What if I were willing to show you pictures of me in the same state?  Not my physical form, but ME?  

The me that yells at my children.

The me that loathes the successes of classmates and friends.

The me that desires recognition for pretty much anything.

The me that stuffs emotion down to her toes in hopes that it won't need to be addressed.

The me that wants to be in control, no matter what the cost.

The me that looks around the house and fumes discontent...

And the me that looks at the list above, and the things that I just can't type there...and weeps.

We all have a list like that.  Things that we struggle with, and are sinking deeply into day after day. Things that we are afraid to share, even with those closest to us.  Greed, Lust, Hatred, Apathy...

All. of. us.

Each day we fight these battles in secret.  Sometimes they surface in conversation, but we quickly back peddle for fear of judgement, and then tuck those struggles even further down. 

But what if we were transparent?  

Knowing that we all fall short, that we are all struggling...that is a beautiful thing.  The walls can come down, the masks can come off, and we can stand beside each other in our battles, instead of battling against one another.

We were never meant to fight alone. And once we are able to take that bold step towards transparency, we will find that we are surrounded -not by the enemy- but by Grace.